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Stgnseos?!?

There are a couple of things I realized when I came back from Wooster (1). One is that everywhere in Vienna are clocks. There are public clocks, provided by the city government (2). On every second lamppost there’s a clock. Is anyone still wondering, why Non-Europeans (and A. Schwarzenegger) think we’re a socialist country? Public clocks or barbarism.

But there’s another thing that is so typically viennese that I had to go abroad to find it strange. Imagine a crowded subway/bus/tram. Actually, it’s not even that necessary to be crowded for the scene to happen. There has just has to be a small jam in front of the door. Person A wants to get out. Instead of asking the door blocking Person B to step aside, A stands behind Bs back – it’s best done when B can’t even try to see A. A then looks grumpy for a while because rude B doesn’t notice A. Doors open. Suddenly barks A: STGNSEOS?!?! Which is Viennese for: Do you get out? (Steigen sie aus?). Don’t be mistaken by the questionmark. It’s never a question. It’s an order. It’s an insult. It doesn’t only say: Get out of my way. It says: Get out of my way you stupid, arrogant, knowingly door blocker. Especially sneaky As manage to bark it at the very moment the door closes again, barely making it out, so that B acually feels like s/he did something wrong. It goes without saying that tiny old ladies have a huge advantage hiding themselves behind Bs back. Die Jugend hat eben kein Ideal.

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(1) Yes, I realize it’s been nine months – almost as long as I ever was in Woo Town.

(2) Actually the watches were just recently bought by an insurance company, since the city wanted to cancel this great service.

Medieval Literature

It’s not that no one told me that would happen: I kept the worst exam for the last minute: Literature of the Middle Ages. As always when I’m procrastinating, I come up with reasons, why the subject I’m suppost to study is not worth studying and has no right to exist what so ever. I never had as many reasons, why this class should be banished from the curriculum. The Top 5:

a) It’s not a science, It’s a believe

In Literature of the Middle Ages you don’t study facts, you study assumptions. Every Professor teaches different assumptions. One prof teaches that Gottfried didn’t finish Tristan, becaue he died. The other one claims that he took a break for reasons unknown and died years after he stoped writing. One prof says that Ottfried (1) didn’t actually state his name in *fill in text here*, the textbook says he did. This goes on and on.

b) It’s all built up on one guys assumption

Karl Lachmann constructed his theory in the 19th century. Everyone works off of his thinking.

c) It brings back puberty angst

Remember Latin? The language where you could actually translate every word (with a little help) and the sentence still didn’t make any sense? Well think of how frustrating that was and then imagine having words in front of you that seem to be your language.

d) It’s religiously discriminating.

I am a poor heathan boy. I don’t know what the first commandment is (until someone reminded me that it’s the first things Bartlet says in the West Wing Pilot) and I really don’t care that much (until, you know…). But in medieval literature everything is about the first commandment (which is not, btw: you shall not cheat on your wife – if that even is one) or any other commandment. Not knowing anything about Christianity is a huge disadvantage.

e) Just because it’s old, it isn’t good

No one would ever think of academically working on a poem that solely rymes bread and dead. But when it’s old, everything is forgotten and we pretend that its really important literature.

Rant over. 11 days to go.

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(1) Might not be Ottfried but another guy.

Good News!

Austria lost it’s first game in the Euro Cup. Only 2 more to go and I can start reading newspapers again. The nationalism in them at the moment is unbearable.

But that really is the only good news today. It’s only the second day and I am already filled with hatred. Today I made the mistake to leave my parents apartment right after the game Austria against Croatia. The subway I needed is the one to the stadium, so there were the first loonatics. It got really annoying, when I had to change to a tram at University, where the „fan mile“ ends. The fan mile is a cagelike area on Vienna’s mainstreet the „Ring“, where guards say things like „no you can’t take your own beer in, but you can take your women in“ (guffaw, guffaw). So after the game, they finished their beers and then took the same tram I did. The end of the line, Ottaking, is a district with a lot of croatian migrants and austrian blue collars. You can imagine how much fun it was, sitting in this tram….I really don’t know why people think it is socially acceptable to sing and scream in public (transportation) just because there happens to be a game in the same country (1).
After the tram took 20 minutes for a normaly 5 minute ride, it came to a stop. The deranged assholes blocked the street further down the road and I had to walk the last stop – I should’ve done that in the first place. But not even here I was save, now the mentals walked with me, screaming and chanting, in fact, I can still hear them sitting in my living room. Now I have a 90 minute break, because the insane idiots are watching Germany v. Poland right now, but I’m sure, as soon as the game is over, they gather under my window. I don’t care who wins, btw. I just hope that both Germany and Poland don’t exhaust themselves too much, so that they can beat Austria. But chances are quite high, that this wish will be fulfilled.

I, by the way, have political reasons against the cup as well: domestic violence, rape and prostitution increase during it. That’s a fact, so knowing that: Why would politicians make an efford to get this event to their country?

UPDATE:
There you have it. Yet another reason to hate this event: German Hools chanting Nazi slogans against Poland. Probably applauded by people in Klagenfurt, capital of the right wing.

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(1) Aside from the fact, that half of the games aren’t even played in Austria but in Swizerland. People scream regardless.

Uni Success by Hofer

My university has a career center since 2007ish. You can imagine how established it is within students. And since my university has 130 majors and more than half of them are liberal arts-y, you can imagine, how useful it is.There is also Law within the majors, so when this career center offers jobs, guess who is target group no.1. Long story short, here and there, there’s the dilemma, what to do with a liberal arts degree. For law and econ there always were so called success fairs, where law-corporate Austria had tables in the lobby of the law building and students came out with a little brown piece on their noses. (1) The econ university in Vienna had the same kind of fair and the liberal arts majors of my university always peeked jealously on this success fair, so they founded the career center. They even made their own Uni Success for liberal arts majors. I’m not sure what they thought, when they signed a contract with Hofer, supporting the fair. Hofer is better – if even – known on your side of the ocean as Aldi. That’s right. It is a discount grocery store.

Your career center. Brought to you by seven/eleven.

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(1) My student organization then invented the Alternative Success, where we offered NGOs space to present themselves, to show: You can do other things with law than work for a firm.

Once Wooster, Always Wooster

As soon as you know of Wooster, you suddenly meet people, who also have a connection to Wooster. That’s what they are saying, right? And indeed, from my first week in the U.S. I could prove this saying right. I was on my way to Stanford. When the plane started to decend in Salt Lake City, where I had a layover, I started to chat with my neighbors, a 80 year old father with his 40yo son. I told them, that I was going to be a Teaching Assistent at a small College, south of Cleveland. You probably won’t know it. The town is called Wooster. Of course they did know it. The fathers grandfather applied for a job as a janitor in Wooster, so that his kids could go there without tuition.
In Stanford the head of the foreign language center took me aside and told me: „You know, I graduated from Wooster. And I tell you something: As soon as you know of Wooster, you will meet people all over the world, who know Wooster.“ She didn’t know that she didn’t have to convince me.

Fast Forward.

I am back from Wooster and was spoiled for a year with great Prof-student relationships, so I’m sitting pretty pissed in front of a closed office. Office Hours at the University of Vienna don’t actually mean, that the professor really is in his office. More on that probably in a later post. I’m only back for two weeks but Wooster already seems far far away and needless to say, I long forgot about what they were saying. Until another prof walks by. Without a lot of thinking, I burst out: „May I ask, why you are wearing a College of Wooster T-Shirt?“
He was the German Language Assistent in Woo not shorter than 28 years ago. It’s true, what they are saying: Once Wooster, always Wooster.

American Politics in Autrian Newspapers

That’s right. Capitalization is the Thing. Have a little Respect for your Words, Englishspeakers! … Not the Point, moving on.
I just saw a headline, I thought, I share with you. It’s a great example for how Austrian (and I guess most of european media) reports about the U.S. election. No one ever again should complain about the US media being biased for Obama, because you haven’t seen nothing, when you haven’t read Austrian newspapers. Headline of the Day today: „Illegal“ Primaries: Democrats decide against Clinton“. First sentence: „H.C.s last chance to gain ground towards Obama vanished“
This is not the first time that the staff writer who really doesn’t speak english, is assigned to write an U.S. article using only english sources. An other headline: „Almost there: Obama wins!“ (After he won Oregon, but not Kentucky)

So next time you see an election story supposedly biased for Obama, just think of us misderinformed europeans.

Libraries

Libraries work differently here, than they do in Wooster/the U.S. There are basically two systems: Either books stand around on shelves, you can look at them, but you can’t take them out (in most departmentlibraries) or Books are somewhere hidden and you can take them out but you don’t see what you get beforehand (in the mainlibrary). For an american students ear that might make no sense what so ever, but indeed it has some advantages (which are, recognizable, outweighed by disadvantages). For example, you know that the books are there, when you go to the library. Exept when they are not, because they were either lost temporarily or used by another student somewhere in the library. (Very engaged – or desperate – students then run from one end of the library to the other, searching every stack of books regardless if its user uses them at this point). Also, spoiled american student, if you think that since we can’t take books out of the library, the study comfort is much higher, you are dead wrong. While your glorious bottox is probably sitting on one of this comfortable reading couches right now, I am sitting on my wooden chair in a wooden cubicle (no, Diplomanden in Austria don’t get their personal cubicle). Because why should it be comfortable to study?

The library system of the hidden book also has a lot of advantages. … For example…aehm…that you don’t have to schlepp your books from the shelve to the counter! Some disadvantages, like: you really don’t know if you can use the book and if you don’t, you wasted your time and the time of three librarians that were needed to retrieve your book. Oh glorious mainlibrary, how many times did you surprise me with disappointment! Wether the book was only a brochure or just had a great title but the content was just not right, you made my day so many times …. not. (1)
In the department libraries, the ones where you actually can look at the book and decide beforehand if it’s helpful, there are two legal ways to take a book home: There is a weekend rental (Friday morning through Monday noon) or you are a Senior/Diplomand (2). Its not like in Woo, where every librarian knows roughly who’s a senior and who’s not. As long as librarians don’t see your student I.D. they can’t tell. But since I came back, three different people at the library confused me for being a Diplomand. How they tell, you ask? I have no idea, but I have the slight feeling I may start being to old to not be a Diplomand, which I technically am not yet. But since it is a matter of a few weeks for administration reasons, I don’t feel that bad….well bad enough to write this post.

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(1) This not joke is dedicated to Georg.
(2) Since the Austrian University system doesn’t have classes like the U.S. does, the term „Senior“ has nothing to do with the U.S. term. In fact, Austrian Seniors or Diplomanden are most likely somewhere in their 6th+ year and you are a Senior as soon as you have an advisor for your thesis.

Over Weight

I have to admit, the pun doesn’t work in english. But really, that doesn’t hold me atop (1). But let’s try real english for once. I did everything I could to eat everything good for me but bad for my body in my first week back. The term soulfood might come to mind, and indeed, all those great dishes had a soul once. (Well, not c)
At this point, after having ate a Blunzengröstl today, I can proudly say, I succeeded. American food has the hardly earned image to be not very healthy. For some reason, Austrian food doesn’t have this image. It should. Mjam things I ate last week:
a) Schnitzl
b) Cordon Bleu
c) Knödel mit Ei
d) Blunzengröstl (2)


The first is to Austrian food like steaks to American: It’s meat, it’s great and it’s everywhere. The Schnitzl comes in it’s original form of Wiener Schnitzl and in a gazillion different version, from Jägerschnitzl (with mushrooms) to Pariser Schnitzl (eggs instead of breading). Since the original Wiener Schnitzl meat is veal and therefore expensive (3), it sometimes comes in the variations Schweinsschnitzl (pig) or Kinderschnitzl (children). Regardless of the meat, it can be described to an american as the delicious big brother of pork chops.

Cordon Bleu is a variation of the Schnitzl. It sounds french but it isn’t (4). It’s the Schnitzl Version of a Calzone: Within the delicious Schnitzlmantle you’ll find a delicious piece of melted cheese and ham. Calzone meets American Grilled Cheese with Ham.

It was surprising, that the American cuisine doesn’t know Knödel (dumplings) at all. There is a wide arrangement of great dumplings, from Marillenknödel (apricots in a dumpling) to Erdäpfelknödel (potatodumpling) and of course the mother of all dumplings: The Semmelknödel (bread roll dumpling). It’s a food you could also find in Lowry. The concept is really simple: Take yesterdays dumplings, throw them in a pan and mix’em with eggs. Voilá there you have your Knödel mit Ei. De-licious.

Blunzengröstl is like David Hasselhoff: You love him or you hate him. (5) It comes in a pan. Usually with Sauerkraut. Blunze is mixed with potatoes, onions, maybe some peppers, ect. What is Blunze, you ask? Well…that’s the catch (the delicious, awesome, mmmmjam catch): It’s clotted blood. Mahlzeit!

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(1) Little German Dictionary: aufhalten, literally „to hold atop“ means: that can’t stop me.
(2) Looking at this list, it strikes me: I totally forgot to ate Schweinsbraten, but then again, I had it once at the German Dinner in Wooster
(3) Some people, babytarier, don’t eat it, because they think an animal should live a happy life in a butchers stall before it gets slaughtered.
(4) It probably is.
(5) For some reasons, Americans can’t accept the fact that D.H. is AWESOME. It’s a little bit like Arnold: He’s a star in a country, but not very appreciated, where he’s coming from.

Ch-Ch-Changes

So now I’m back from Outer….I mean Wooster. And nothing has changed. Everything has changed. Everynothing is the same. It feels a little bit like coming back from a longer vacation. (Evil spirits might say that’s where I’ve been)

I would say there are three kinds of changes:

1) The nothing has-changes
 Everything feels like I’ve been gone for 4 weeks. The weather is the same, my friends and I click instantly and there are now awkward moments of silence or estrangement, even the people in the Jonasreindl, where I bought a coffee and a
Aboriginies Weckerl mit Gouda everyday, are the same. (And they still recognize me. And give me a welcome back coffee)

2) The Was that really always like that – Changes
I still turn around surprised when people speak German around me on the street. Yes, it must be pretty funny to watch, when I walk along a street. But after all, yes, it really always was really like that (the german speaking, not me turning around).
The biggest thing you see when you come back to Vienna after a while is, that everyone complains. About everything. All-the-fing-time. You have to give them credit though: In no language other than Viennese complaining would sound as great: It’s moaning, sorrowful and full of pain. So, why, if they have this great tool, shouldn’t they use it? Hell, I would use it. In fact, right now. Imagine how much better this post would sound in Viennese! Movingon.

3) The Wow SOMETHING has – Changes
Not much on this front, but in lieu thereof (love leo) huge (pregnancy pun intended). That’s right. The ice is broken (I let this one pass) and I from now on, will be no longer Generation Child. I will be grown up. Generation Parent….Who am I kidding. I will be the first one fighting with the infant about a toy. And I would win. Because I could take it in a heartbeat. Movingon.
Also, there is a new subway. Or an old one extended rather. 5 new stops. Just like that. (And by „Just like that“ I mean: 5 years of digging and another x of planing).
Also, all my friends have jobs now. Jobs as in: I’m in the office at 8 in the morning. And me? I will be a fulltime thesiswriter and a halftime friend. And I do have a monkey on my back. Man, writing in english makes having allusions so much simpler.